Atmadja
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: While she didn't know what the title of the song meant, it was beautiful, and she replayed it over and over again, becoming lost in the beautiful lyrics. Though she knew not what the lyrics or the title meant, or even if they meant anything, she decided to give it meaning- to wish with the soul. Established McGiva.


******Atmadja**

******Ri****fiuto: No****n Miriena**

**Summary: While she didn't know what the title of the song meant, it was beautiful, and she replayed it over and over again, becoming lost in the beautiful lyrics. Though she knew not what the lyrics or the title meant, or even if they meant anything, she decided to give it meaning- to wish with the soul. Established McGiva. **

The chorus, when the others in the cast joined in and the parents rose into the sky within their chairs, always gave her chills, and she wrapped her arms around herself. She had snuck the laptop and DVD into the hospital room, hoping that if she played the video, he would remember, he would remember taking her to the production three years ago and wake up. She never got very far in the video, because she kept replaying the opening over and over again, until the nurses and doctors who came in to examine and check on him got fairly sick of the song, but they knew and understood. She had been there, in the hospital, by his side, every day for the last ten years, talking to him, stroking his forehead, holding his hand, telling him stories of their children, of work, of the things he had missed.

The snow drifted softly outside the window, casting everything in a beautiful blanket of white and silver. She sighed, turning briefly from the window. The DVD of Cirque Du Soleil's _Quidam_ was playing on the laptop, sitting on the nightstand. Tim had taken her to see the show a year after they met, not long before they got engaged- because from the moment they'd met, they had started dating- going out first for drinks after Ari's death and then progressing to dinners and movie nights.

She had fallen in love with it, from the music to the acts to the storyline, she loved everything about it, but especially the opening song, _Atmadja_. Tim had later bought her the DVD for Hanukkah that year, and she'd played it so much, she was surprised that Tim hadn't taken the DVD away from her. But now-

Now that Tim was in Bethseda, lying comatose in ICU, thanks to a stakeout gone wrong, _Quidam_ was the only think keeping her sane. Well, that and their children. For they had eloped not even six months after becoming engaged, to the rest of the team's surprise, and rumors had swirled that Ziva was pregnant, which had quickly been disproved.

And so she played the DVD over and over, sometimes hitting_ replay_ on only the opening scene, so she could listen to the song, becoming lost in the beautiful lyrics. Though she knew not what the lyrics or the title meant, or even if they meant _anything_, she decided to give it a meaning-

To wish with the soul.

She sighed, taking in the chair by the bed, reaching up to grasp her Star of David with one hand and his still fingers with the other. Tears began to slip down her cheeks as she watched him for any sign that he felt her hand or heard the music. Their children were at school for the day, but would go home with Gibbs, for Ziva didn't know if she would even return to the house tonight. She swallowed, squeezing his hand before reaching over and pressing replay on the ending scene. "Please, Tim, I know you can hear me. I know you can feel me. I know it."

She ignored the doctors when they told her he was brain dead, that he couldn't hear or sense or know that she was there. The bullet had sliced clean through his head, striking the portion of the brain that held memory, and had exited through the back of his skull- a clean shot, just as Kate's had been, that long ago day. Except the bullet hadn't sliced through the middle of Tim's head, it had gone in at an angle, slicing diagonally, entering his left temple and exiting the far right side of his head. How he hadn't died instantly had been a miracle.

Ziva knew it was because of her, and their children. She knew that was the main reason he hadn't died instantly. Because she had gotten to him first, cradling him as he fell, holding him in her arms, telling him she loved him, that she needed him, that their children needed him, and that he had to listen to her and stay alive. It had been because of her, she was sure of it.

"You have to come back to me, Tim. Come back to us. To our girls."

She reached over, pressing replay again, before bringing his hand to her cheek. Tim loved the show as much as she did, and she hoped that if he heard the opening number over and over, he would remember and wake up.

And so that was what she was doing now, holding tight to his hand, replaying the song over and over again, listening to the lyrics. "You _must_ wake up for me, darling. I need you, Tim. I need my husband, I need the father of my children. _Please_."

Nothing.

Taking a deep breath, she reached over, again replaying the song before again taking a seat and pressing a kiss to his palm. Softly, she began to sing along with the character Zoe, silently praying with all her might that he would hear her and return.

_"Sous... speidi..._  
_Sous speidi..._

_Atmadja..._  
_Dostaa la la_  
_Sve atmadja_  
_Seguii muya..."_

As the music hit its first climax, she softly hit every note, tears filling her eyes as she silently prayed, begged, that he would return to her. She squeezed his hand tight as tears ran down her cheeks, and choked her voice. However, she continued to sing, closing her eyes tight, chills racing up her spine as the music rose in crescendo, breaking her heart.

_"Atmadja_  
_Dostaa la la_  
_Sve atmadja_  
_Seguii muya..._

_Ventori..._  
_Svi i..._

_Atmadja_  
_Dostaa la la_  
_Sve atmadja_  
_Seguii muya norae..."_

His fingers shifted, or so she thought, against her cheek. Tears still running down her cheeks, she pulled away, turning to him. "T... Tim..." Again, his fingers flinched under her touch, and she choked on a sob, as she watched her husband's eyes slowly begin to open. She quickly reached for the call button, pressing with all her might before turning back to her husband and perching on the edge of the bed, reaching out to cradle his face in her hands. "You came back." She choked out as his green eyes slowly locked with hers. _"You came back to me."_

She barely noticed the doctors and nurses rush in and remove the tube from his throat, check his vitals, monitor his heart and blood pressure; all she noticed was him. And then he choked out one single, strangled word,

_"Zoe..."_

And her heart broke painfully in two.


End file.
